found in your embrace.

Despite all the shites and rumours that is going on and the undone assignments and revision thta should be going on, I am still so damn the relax. Taking things slowly and according to my pace. Gawd!!! Can my procrastinating and don't give a shite about what people thinks ever stop? Sometimes, I think that it is my don't care attitude that brings me down... yet it is that severe disease in me that keeps me going and walking down the street with confidence. It's all about juggling the good and the bad, happy and the sad I guess.

All I know is, I don't wanna be caught up in between anything, anyone and everything, Either a yes or no. There is no such things as in between. Like there is no such things like stupid questions, there is just stupid people. Getthawhattaimean? I miss my folks and friends back home.

I miss this bitch. She's my bitch! Hands off ppl!

p.s.- God. Help me in this final semester and get me through all this shites and look after me when I make my decisions. It may not be wise, but I want it to be right. Loves.

xoxo

I don't wanna hang up.

you make me wanna leave the one I'm with, start a new relationship with you. That's what you do- Usher.

You love her, but you said you're falling for me? huh! How does that work?

xoxo

turn on the Last Song

I am sick of being caught up in my position. Fcuk you la! Seriously... Why did I let you in at the first place? I could have save myself all the trouble. Fcuk emotions!

I'm thinking bout everything that we've become, and I hate it, I thought we can make it. But I'm ready to jet it, just wanna forget about it.

Don't put up my head up on the clouds and make me feel like I'm floating. Cause honestly, time is all I need. Nobody can quite do it like I do, all my kisses and my loving.

we ride. xx.

Get in Line.

If you wanna get a piece of this Heart of mine, boy stop! Get in line.

Ain't denying the fact that I am excited over tonight's plan. It's been TOO LONG since I get excited over a full night-party all night long- outing. Darn. Then again, no worries folks- New York style baybehh! And I attended my 9am class! Yes, I am bragging it online here! Huhuh...

Imma make my Life as Colourful as possible.

So screw you! WHoever who's trying so hard to unshine my sunshine. I'm too fly, to be depressed. So better luck next time, or shall I say- Try harder. =)

xxx

before i Love and Leave you.

No point try to hide it and evade it.

If you fall for me, I'm not easy to please, told you from the start.

Ok.. confession time. I have been skipping classes for God knows why and how many frigging times. Time to get back on track!!!! urghh.. i hate myself, sometimes. But still, I love myself for being me me me... not like some morons who always wanna be who people want them to be. Sad case. I have the ultimate example, ex that I left. P_ _ _ _ _. Fill in the blanks! huhu.. anwyays No self respect and personality. Pure loser.. why am I even with him? Prolly he has been trying so hard to camouflage. Urgh.. disgusting.

I just painted my fingers Green.... haha! Awesome party to head tomorrow night! I'm doing it New York style, so no worries folks! Thursday public hols summo.. what more can my perfect night be, besides perfect!

I love my Patrick! dear hubbie, though we tried to leave and divorce and killed each other for 3 times in a row.. i still Heart you! LOL.. renee tan baybehh! I'm going lesbo.

I loveeeee.. piggie backkieee!

Look at my eyes.. window to my soul. So see thru-able kan?

xoxo

now, the party don't start till i walk in.

You build me up and then break me down.

oh well... maybe i should be the one saying it.

p.s.- I like my chinese features! Sepeted eyes, hidung yang flare... ahh...love me still right?

Boys, boys, boyss.... sorry to break it up to you. But i know what i want, if i don't like what i see.. then its too bad!

Personal policy when it comes to boys:

1. If you did it once, there's always a second. Second chance? I'll pass.

2. If you can't handle it at my worst, you sure as hell don't DESERVE ME AT MY BEST!

3. Don't go controlling me and tell me what-to and what-not-to-do, its a turn off. Cause i know my limits.

4. Don't go "oh, males are the dominant ones"- I'll shove my fist up your ass! I'm not the typical girls you pick on the street.

5. Don't have expectations in me, cause i will take my time and walk on my pace. You get me??

I should actually continue this lists huh.. some of you girls with bastard boyfriends might find this a lil handy... lol!

.....................................................................

Anyways, i am home!! And sorry mommy! I was missing when you're home for the past 2 nights. Heh... what to do! I have crazy friends...

Hiking was tiring, ut damn awesome Jane, Kent, Chong, Woh, Dib, Faz.. etc... you know me love you guys!

Shisha the next night till my parents are done waiting for me.. yvone, fab.. you guys are an ass! Oh btw, apple-orange flavour is very-the-nice.

For the past 5 nights, i have been sleeping for 2 hours and got up and proceed with all the agendas.. and now, all i want is to sleep like a log and not wake up! Tapi family i pulak akan bising... haihxx.. life. Is so awesome! *smiles*

I love my friends and family so chooo chooo soooo... the much! You wanna know why? hehehehe... cause they always make me feel like a princess and pampered when im back! All according to me! and my call, my choice.. me me me.... from the tip and bottom and side and front and back of my heart, iloveyou!
I want a movie marathon ppl! Who's up for it?? text me! *loves*

XXX

never gonna dance again.

I'm going old school lately, like really really into the grooooveeeeyy days. Elvis presley, cyndi lauper, heart, george michael and so on... they are so awesome and hit the damn spot. Am i turning the pages again? A whole new chapter perhaps. Which is always good, never say no to a fresh start.

I've been pms-ing like nobody's business lately, any lil thing ticks me off. In addition, i've been attending 8am classes, even Renee sais i've changed. Rah-rah.. i wanna be a cheerleader la. They seem so fun and bitchy. I wanna be a rah-rah! Why malaysian so eff up! Stupid government.

I think i'm outta my mind, dear hongseng... maybe i should really take your advice seriously, I should start dating books more for this semester rather than those testerones. I really need to catch up. Last time there's always you and the freaks to remind me to do this and that, covering my back whenever i'm in deep shite, forgetting due dates for assignments etc. Why did you ppl pamper me so much? See now! I'm all on my own.. everything i mist do it myself. Making efforts on my own sometimes feel so pointless. Like you're loving a pole, it will never love you back. Sigh.

That means!!!! No more late night and last minutes getaways with friends. No more staying up late and doodling over nothing. And contemplate over silly suggestions by my negative-influecing-knowhowtohavefun-friends. Ohh gawdddd..... can somebody just kidnap me and make my life easier. Death is easy, life is hard. Oh bella, i so get you now.

But its always the hard things that you work your ass off that matters. Don't you think?

urgh. Amanda Lee.. where the hell have you been hiding?? You have not been yourself lately have you? Stop messing around, and NUS is one of your to-do-list now! sigh.

................................................................ '

So yes world, things have been very complicating for the last few weeks, perhaps a month ago? The whole asian-brangelina thing was going on in this friiging small town. Not that i hate you malacca, i just hate the some of your unwanted tenants.

Whohonestlylooklikeindonesianunwantedmaids that was ditch away and so they were all left stranded here. Malacca would have been so much better, prolly the best state if they're not occupying the spaces here. Oh well...

i can forgive, but forgetting is a whole new different question.

with love, xx

and i miss you Yvonetan and Janetan!

You freaks. Stop bugging me and appearing in my thoughts can or not. JIOR!

tell me if i'm INsane.

It has been long since i've been talking to Shreenath C.! I tell youuuu.... it was so good to finally have a decent talk with him... but still! It ain't enough!!! LOL... he has to go grocery shopping... i have to go see lee hong seng! Ishhh... and and... another person that i have not spoke and seen for more than 6 months! Deva sayang,..... imma call her now! Mummy.. phone bill! Watch out.. u're gonna explode! LOL... i Love being home.

Thanks darls for bringing me back. ILOVEYOU!

This morning, somehthing hit on my mind... i realised right... buddhist damn bad lo... they are such a big contributing factor to global warming. I know i know... im a damn buddhist myself... but i don feel offended at all lo.. facts hurt... but it still don't change anything right? I wanted to lecture mommy on it, but then she looks so stressed and pms-ing.. like anytime she's going to give me a piece of her mind. And so i kept all to myself, poor readers.. u guys have to suffer my blabber. LOL! Anyways... i was doing a presentation last week on global warming that;s why i'm making noise here... and right.. i sgtanding outside my house for a minute also can die dy..

Like in any second... im gonna explode... im at verge of melting... if im an ice,. no worst! I'r probably evaporfated till my last drop if im an ice. Damn i tell you... it's a lil too much heat for a human to handle. But still, ppl like you and me still on air conditioner at home like nobody's business. haih... classic case for humans.

REMEMBER! What goes around, comes back around.

=)

xx

You are my laughing stock.

Life's a game and it's not fair; I break thhrough rules and i don't care.

So i keep doing my own thing, walking tall with these pathetic bystanders staring.. and in me, i'll be laughing at them.

Isn't it awesome if there is someone that can change the colour of your mood ring for you, anytime and anywhere? *sighs*

Anyways, for a fact, sometimes i amuse myself by the way i handle and look on things. Like you can tell me you hate me and walk pass me and say mean things, i can just laugh at it and walk away. For a moment there it may hurt me and break me, then eventually my concious mind just grab me outta it. Isn't that cool?

God has made me well and mold me well....

You may break me, but I can Never be Defeated.

After all the things that i heard from people and animals all around me, i can still continue walking. You know what people? You should really mind your messed up life/education/social cycle/etc before catching up with mine la huh... you'd be suprised with whatever you'll see in mine. It may not be as pretty as the fairy tale. But it's fair enough for me. But i guess it will never be the same in your eyes right? You wanna know why.. lemme break it down to you. It's cause you only wanna see things the way you see it so it comforts you to actually TRY to live your life more normally and let's just say-more up to the standards la huh.

Truth hurts hun, it proves that when you review and comment and bad mouthed bout my journey, you're just being the gree-monster and take my life as a guide to live your life. What a shame... LOL!

I can be the Biggest Devil you ever knew, know and to-be-known. *beware*

xx

Above this Atmosphere

I guess they're all the same.

Whatta Shame... Life still goes on... shame on you.

XX

masochistic Ride.

ain't nobody better than us.

It's never easy to let go anything that we had planned and been through and start all over again.

But yet, imma see myself in a bigger picture.

Words are easily spoken, actions are the ones that are always left hanging. I can tell my self and talk myself into how i can go through this. Fact is, it is hard but i will not give in to that masochistic felling.

Let's all take a swim~ lol.. so random.

Nobody else can do it quite like i do, all my kisses and my loving... but the thing is-

Just blame yourself cause you blew it, i won't forget how you do it.

i need to freaking stop posting up emo tect. darn! xx

AND!!!

For the record, is my darling suez Birthday! So welcome to the world of being 18 sista! U knw me love you... BearHugs~

Don't you just love her crazinessss??? lol~ we were like the duo during our first-time-going-camping-in-the-wild mate... we've been through ups and downs i tell youuu... Clean each others backside and all.. metaphorically la. LOL!

XX again..

my mind is Gone

...astray from Love, this is how i feel.

I don't want to be a victim, call me selfish... but i don't want to go through it again.

I just registered my subject for my last semester.... where shall i head to after foundation??? Degree in cyber or malacca... gawd! Help me... and emo songs please do me a favour- Go away.

ps- hatethatiloveyou is the worst song!

When you're in my situation, it was such a beautiful song. Was.

xx.

Filthy hot mess

Just stop talking cause you go ~ blah blah blah...

There is no other words that i can fairly find in the dictionary to describe how i feel. It has been an awesome journey though... i just need time and space. Maybe you should try moving on to. Don't hate me for it, things happen. Everything happens for a reason. Damn it.. i should try being lesbo tentatively. Hmmmm??? Interested anyone?

Honestly, i am not letting myself go all emotional and heart broken and down... it's just another filthy Hot mess... hardcore is what you'll see world.

BTW, i love kesha, dirty lil lyrics she have there but daamn the beat makes me go lalalalalaaaaaa.... i don't wanna think, im gonna put my head and heart somewhere else.

xx

thoughts went unspoken

I never knew i could be hurt this way. I was all up and adrenalined, just one small scratch can be so influential. Hun, it's irrevocable. Deal with it..

I really don't want this moment to ever end... but there is time when it hits you and you can't go camouflage anymore.

Life's a bitch, i may hate it momentarily, but the fact is- i still love it.

i'm starting to love colours..

like colour-colour. But still, too much of it can ruin me being me... lol! I think it's cause of my skin colour. oh well.... XX

face is blur, we're all the same.

I am in the middle of a cross-road

At the top and the verge of a mountain.

I could have been elsewhere, instead i am over here.

I am lost and i am done pretending... where do i go from here?

xx

stupidisiotfcukingassholenobrainsbitchslutbastardfcukyourselflaaaa!

Everything has a limit. Know your freaking limits ok... U need help? Ask for one, don't act like a kid. Grow up you! As i said before, i don't provoke anyone if no one disturbs me. I am a woman of peace and tranquility. Don't mess around.

Rawr!

needs.

1. Shopping!!!!!

2. Toned my outta shaped body.. I have too much and unwanted adipose tissues in me! damn it. why cant boyyfiee control me? He should be like THIS: This will make u fat! Don't eat. I think he secretly like the fact im getting fat. Darn youuu....

3. more rest! That means sleeping early. Darn habit.

4. Convince my parents to let me bring the car down here without any conditions.

5. Figure out where to head after foundation: Melaka lagi ke nak ke Cyber?

6. Start eating healthy. That means no junk food at all time and mamak-ing.

7. Finish my darn assignments!!!! And go on with life without any headaches.

8. and secretly: I need more chinese friends. Sad betul my mmu life. I just realised i almost like, completely forgot how to write chinese characters. damn it... i started writing a few words in chinese characters last few days and i almost forgot how to write di-di (lil brother) and ba-ba (dad) in chinese character... see! Such terrible chinese girl i am... such disgrace. LOL! But then i said 'almost'.. that means i still have that chinese ohm in me.

9. I need to see my night and shining armour: Edward Cullen! =)

10. I need to know my NEEDS. Sad huh???

11. ........??????..... XX

All the way around.

KL! Baybehh....

There is where i headed... woooooh000000000000/...... lol! I had fun thou.... there's a lil complications here and there. It still feels like a road trip thingy, another unexpected plannings that came to reality.

Izue and I just head up to Damansara yesterday, head up there to her sist's jesz place. Settle down, sleep and the very next day.... shopping!!!

and SUSHI!!!!!!!!!!

I have been ravenously craving for it.... hahaa! Total satisfaction for my tummy. yumm!

and guess what???!!!

i just got back! lol... yes yes.... almost 4am.

Well, that's my life here... everything and everyone is still not asleep. It feels like 8pm at night... lol!

Oh well... i'm off to get myself clean up! Pictures coming Soon.

xx

trouble magnet.

Yes i am!

FriggingAdiposeTissueSucks! (FATS)

F.A.T.S- Frigging Adipose Tissue Sucks!

You suck... i Hate you. (exclamation)

Going back home... im gonna whack on home cook food.... so here we go again.

The FATS ride NEVER stops.