when a tornado meets a Volcano.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable and unguarded. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you.

Then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you, some part of you that you unconciously give in to... They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you or hold you, and then your life isn't yours anymore. And the best part is... you're aware of it. You know that its happening but you just let it in. Let the whole goose-bumping-good-feeling aura take control of you. Hence, the heart is left unguarded, in the hands of another.

Love takes hostages. When it gets inside you and abuses you.... It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. But this is the part when all things fail.

So don't let it fail you.

We tend to make promises according to our hopes and dreams that we want to hold on to but tend to perform according to our fears. Try not to let that happen too often and embrace whatever you have and never take it for granted. Love fails only when you let it fail.

xoxo~

photographs.

It should have been me and you. It could have been you and me.

Here's a love story i gotta tell, bout this boy i knew so well. Back in the days it was cool and all, other boys i could not see. Now look what happen when i let my firewalls took a day off. Boy you broke my heart when i was there...

Now it's killing me the fact that you're not around. Maybe im falling down. Maybe we need a remedy. Maybe i still need you around. But it's all just a maybe...

All i got now is these photographs, i remember the times when i made me laugh and you did your part as well. But i don't wanna be stuck in the past. I don't wanna lose what we had this far. Here's my heart, you have put it in jeopardy. What a shame... so there goes the past. I know there is no future when i wanna reminisce the past, so here i am... looking forward for a new future without glancing at the past. Not a chance. Its not a very pretty past you see... but i can live with it, in my very own ways, i tell you. So don't tell me how to do it. You know i'm too rebellious to listen.

I know you're a better man, when i was your girl.

It was a betterland when we're in our world.

...BUT ....

XX

Symptoms.

How did i get it here with you, i'll never know.

This may be my emo session... so people, deal with it. It helps me to get things clear and outta my mind. dear blog, can i tell you that iloveyou? I guess blogs are just one of the awesomess ways to get things outta me. So to whoever out there who is prone to be offended by my words. I won't apologies. Don't like it? Stay away from this page. xx

Honestly, im not the type to get my heart broken, im not the type to get upset and cry. I guess i don't really leave my heart open, i never want relationships to get deep to me. But i guess this time was an exception, my firewall wasn't working. What a bummer!

There's always a time when everyone will go through it in relationship, as in the ones that they really pour their heart to it. Not those hook ups and flings. The time when things get outta hand, and when that time takes place. Damn.. mind is gone, astray from love. this is how i feel...

Did it happen when we first kiss? Or maybe we spent so much time together, and i know that is no more. I shouldn't let you hold on me... cause it is hard for me to let it go. This time is different though.. i may have those break down moments.

But hey,

Life's a bitch and i'm gonna be a better bitch living through it and playing games with it.

I may feel like a victim of it once in a while... but what do you expect out of a girl with a broken heart right??

ps. I never meant to let it get so personal.

and Yes i will be fine.

Dont have to show me pity face and obvious concern when you see me.

*xx*

lil late for explanation.

it's funny how someone can be so twisted and mind blastingly cunning when it comes to Lies.


I ain't gonna beat around the bush and make people go confuse, this post is clearly for some guys out there, well.. most guys who thinks that they have to be the macho ones, to show off on front of the crowd, the dominant one ay? Kiss my ass.... you don't stand a chance if you don't make any sense and think immaturely? You got a problem with my statement? Talk to me! I'll give a long and detailed explanation and kill your brain cells on how wrong guys perception can be...

THIS IS MY FREAKING BLOG. And im telling you world, i am not some typical lady that you can control and demand on. You want something, you earn it! just cause im the less masculine one.. u wanna push me around? I'll chop off your two sagging balls you men!

Im sorry for the way i let go, for everything i wanted when you came along.
But~
I never needed you for judgement. Never needed you to be strong. Never needed you to pointed out my wrongs. And most of all, Never needed you to question me.

So ps.- Don't ever think you got a hold on me, ok mate?

xx

Happy and the sad + Good and the bad

Never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I can.

I don't wanna fall back on my face again, i was so going to answer love's call.

Won't see it coming when it happens, but when it happen; You gonna feel it, let me tell you now.

xx

ps. i'd still say ily.

thoughts went unspoken

I never knew i could be hurt this way. I was all up and adrenalined, just one small scratch can be so influential. Hun, it's irrevocable. Deal with it..

I really don't want this moment to ever end... but there is time when it hits you and you can't go camouflage anymore.

Life's a bitch, i may hate it momentarily, but the fact is- i still love it.

i'm starting to love colours..

like colour-colour. But still, too much of it can ruin me being me... lol! I think it's cause of my skin colour. oh well.... XX

i guess you don't like happy endings.

Oh well, that is so fineeee, with me.

Can someone take a portion of my heart, where it embedded my soft, sensitive and vulnerable to break part and splatter it to those insensitive humans who love to make my life complicated, being judgmental and two-faced. Let’s have a silent, heart-to-heart deeper conversation and rub away all the misunderstandings.
I’m done for standing up for myself, voicing out, and being sarcastic. Everyone needs rest, it’s my turn now. So to the rest of the evil, erratic world out there, go on tire out yourself. You will have your turn of tranquility and peace after putting yourself in a ridiculous situation and embarrassing yourself. have fun being in the solitary moment of Embarassment.... xx

I don't know why you think you got a hold on me.

I never needed pain. I never needed strain. I never needed words. I never needed hurt. Now guess what, it's a lil late for conversation and explanation, there isn't anything for you to say. It has been another great journey with pain in the end. but time kills all pain, i will just suffer at the beginning. So thank you for the pain, and the strain and tears altogether.

this is so ominous.

i HEART this song. And it actually portraying things that will want to, need to, and right to say to him if things get wrong. Shite happens.... but one thing's for sure. I am no where close to these lyrics. But as i say, it's ominous!
Awesome song with even awesome lyrics. <3



Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

untitled.

Ever felt so guilty but you can'r do much about it? Cause there is no turning back, how can you sacrifice something that you're addicted to or attached to by now to someone that you don't really know. But behind all the lies, i know why i 'don't really know' her. There is so many awkwardness going on. She don't give you the chance, even though she said, i wouldn't blame her. It's not her fault, but hun... i know deep inside you really do put the blame on me. I'm sorry for not knowing earlier, if only.... if only..... i would love to have known you and spend time, you know we'll have fun. By any slightest chance, i might want to turn things over. Though that may not make out on where i am today, i am contented. I really do and did miss those stuffs that were skeptically left for months undone. I learnt to cope, i know how it feels. Yet, i am still selfish to do it to someone else. Have a chance on me babe... Tough on the cover, it ain't mean i'm not fragile deep inside. I wanna be mad at times, just really make it like it's a huge issue, but i can't. Cause i know, if it happens- Now what? That question will be pondering.

and honestly, i would rather have known you first than miss Z.

Give me a poker face. Again.

....... ....... ....... ....... .......

Finals starting tomorrow, look at me. Never will i change. I wanna give a damn. I tried.

................................